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Accepting loss and moving on

Discussion in 'Relationship Advice' started by Part-Times Platypus, Jan 12, 2017.

  1. Part-Times Platypus

    Part-Times Platypus Guest

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    @Wrecky suggested I open a thread here about relationships realizations and coming to terms with losing the love of your life.

    My fiance of 4 years passed of cancer about 2 years ago and most days are a struggle to not smother myself with a pillow. Im content in my life now just working and using my money to do whatever but I miss my companion and best friend. I fear I'll never love another the way I did her and the few relationships I have tried since I thought myself ready have proven that not everyone is as loving or caring as she was. In fact I dare say the new dating scene is rather childish and self-centered.

    Feel free to cry about whatever here.
     
  2. SirJordan

    SirJordan Guest

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    I'm sorry for your loss :(

    It's always the good ones that get taken from us
     
  3. Part-Times Platypus

    Part-Times Platypus Guest

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    Thanks dawg. I'm trying to feel better but when I do or I genuinely have a good time with friends I feel guilty af. I don't want to be depressed or upset all the time but I dont want her family or the people that knew us to think I didnt care about her or dont think about her still.
     
  4. SirJordan

    SirJordan Guest

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    I'm sure they know how you felt about her and will never stop feeling for her. On the other hand, I'm sure she wouldn't want you to be depressed and constantly sad about her. She'd want you to be happy and live your life to the max. I'm sure, wherever she is, that she knows that you will always love her.
     
  5. Part-Times Platypus

    Part-Times Platypus Guest

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    You're probably right. All we ever really wanted for eachother was happiness. We had our ups and downs but she was really the only female in my life who wouldnt give up on me and would fight for what we had. As opposed to these princesses now who hear something they dont like or discover some of my hobbies are nerdy as opposed to rad and rather than accepting it for what it is and me for who I am either try to change me or instantly bounce out cause they'll find the "perfect" guy and get married and have babies. This dating landscape is just so cancerous.
     
  6. Wrecky

    Wrecky Valkyrie Staff Member

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    Proud of you @Part-Times Platypus ! I'm with @SirJordan that she would want you to be happy and live your life to the max. You can't be so concerned with how others perceive how you deal with grief. There will always be that feeling that if you have fun and meet someone else it means you're "over her" but that's not true at all. The feeling that she's in peace and would want some for you has to be stronger.
     
  7. Part-Times Platypus

    Part-Times Platypus Guest

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    I feel like if it does happen it won't be the same. Like I could love in the same capacity but it would feel way different.
     
  8. Wrecky

    Wrecky Valkyrie Staff Member

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    Of course it will. But that's all stuff you figure out down the road. First steps are just allowing yourself to try and also not be consumed by guilt 24/7
     
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  9. Part-Times Platypus

    Part-Times Platypus Guest

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    Ye olde survivors guilt. Such a gem
     
  10. celesticaii

    celesticaii Active Member

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    I had an on again off again relationship with a guy for 2 years. He did not work or go to school and carried no motivation to change those things. He came here to work saying there was more opportunity for him. I supported him through all of our relationship and that is something I always resented as he often made me feel bad about him being alone and started going on hook-up apps looking for 'friends'. I always had a feeling he never really wanted to work as he could not hold down a job and was perfectly content on living off of other people. I held on to the hope he might change or there would be some sort of realization about the type of person he is. I am in Vancouver because I moved here to be with him. Once I got here things were not quite the same. I came to realize he had an online life that I could not quite cope with and his rampant use of Grindr was something that upset me all of the time. I had a last straw moment and told him to leave the app or we would be over. He deiced to continue with use and asked me to leave his apartment. Thankfully I have some truly amazing friends here that were able to put me up until I got back on my feet and get myself settled. Problems from this app always caused issues in our relationship as he wanted something more open and I am monogynous. He did end up having an affair with my best friends husband which put a strain on our friendship and caused their divorce. I could not talk or look at him and I do not know what caused me to go back to him, but I did. He is now in an open live in relationship with a guy that fully supports him and views this is acceptable. I get that and what works from them is their business, but the comical part in this all is he had the nerve to tell me that he wants to sleep with me and his new boyfriend. At that moment I came to my senses and realized what a shitty person he actually is. I was able to let that go and finally move on.
     
  11. Part-Times Platypus

    Part-Times Platypus Guest

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    I'm proud of you my dude! I know how hard it can be to shake free from somebody once they've got their hooks in you. Especially in a toxic relationship. I'm glad the distance gave you the space necessary to clear your head and view the situation from a healthy perspective.
     
  12. Mark CM

    Mark CM Administrator Staff Member

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    @StunnerInc I know you love Shouts but this thread is made for you, homie.
     
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  13. Cib3rNaut

    Cib3rNaut Guest

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    I lost my best friend whose name was Wrecky, not the same user as @Wrecky. Total coincidence yet not similar in any acceptable way to compare the two. She went missing around the time of my account being separated from the online station it was located in.
     
  14. Wrecky

    Wrecky Valkyrie Staff Member

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    There can only be one, when you find her there will be an epic cat fight. :cat:
     
  15. Cib3rNaut

    Cib3rNaut Guest

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    Wrecky I think your mother dislikes me
     
  16. Wrecky

    Wrecky Valkyrie Staff Member

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    @Cib3rNaut my mother doesn't dislike anyone, she's a gem :)
    Also can we move this conversation out of this thread? It's not really the right place.
     
  17. Part-Times Platypus

    Part-Times Platypus Guest

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    ^ yeah I'd say...
     
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  18. Cib3rNaut

    Cib3rNaut Guest

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    Life isn't short that's a bunch of nonsense created to prevent people from accepting the fact they have forgotten everything from their lives, By forms of drinking or drug addictions. I mean in all other cases where someone has memory problems, that is a different story. The attention span of the world is like 15 seconds no one even remembers where the fuck they are in public or the places they have been without 100's of photos. Sad mad world.
     
  19. Ablazeintheflames

    Ablazeintheflames Guest

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    I don't have quite the story you do so I don't understand but I will give you reassurance...I met my ex fiance on nexopia 7 years ago she turned out she was from the UK...man I used to wait everyday to here back from her we talked for like 6 months before we went anything farther than this site...I went to the UK for a month and met her and felt on top of the world...she moved here to Canada and lived with me for 2 years I supported her because she had a hard time getting a work visa but finally the time came when I had to make the best decision I could I had to send her back home because I knew if her visa expired she would become an illegal immigrant...I didn't want that long story short I asked her to marry me before she left and she didnt ever come back she left me for another guy...and I'm here 2 years after that to reassure you life and love goes on and that life is only down if you let it get to you be stronger than what you thought you were and soon you will see the rest of the world different for what you see it at the time your looking right now....in my eyes this was as comparable to someone dying to me I wanted to kill myself many times and never did and I wondered why and it's strength man you have to be a strong person and show yourself and her that you won't ever forget but you will become more than what you thought you could before.
     
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