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"not living" with boyfriend

Discussion in 'Relationship Advice' started by lellojello, Sep 19, 2016.

  1. lellojello

    lellojello Newbie

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    I recently started dating a very old friend and I have been "not" living with him for about two months. Meaning I came to visit, and then just never left. I don't want to leave. He doesn't want me to leave. We both like me being there. He's talked about me getting a job there.

    I recently did leave, because I had to babysit my cats, and we really miss eachother.

    But he thinks moving in together too soon is a bad idea. I like the shit out of him, and don't want to scare him off. It feels like I'm unofficially moving in, but not changing my addresses.

    Is this super weird? What should I do. Should we talk about it like grownups, or should I just stealthily move more and more crap there until it's obvious that I'm living there...
     
  2. Mark CM

    Mark CM Administrator Staff Member Mod Squad

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    I think it's pretty obvious you should just move in. It's a big step if you've never done it before, but if you spend all your time there anyway, stop kidding yourselves.
     
  3. Mark CM

    Mark CM Administrator Staff Member Mod Squad

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  4. djfly

    djfly Smiter of Spam

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    Stop trying to define "home".
    Accept being fluid.
    Home is where the heart is.

    Ask if you can bring the kitty next time you "visit".

    My ex was the first woman to "move in with me romantically", We spent about 6 months spending 5 of 7 days together before she officially moved in. I think the halfway-moved-in part is the most important part because you have the opportunity to get used to *all* of each other's nuances and eccentricities while still having your own safe-haven (at home)... Without the bridge time (that you're currently "in"), you're suddenly forced to deal with everything as soon as it comes up, which is a pretty huge deviation from "just dating"...

    that's my opinion anyway.
     
  5. lellojello

    lellojello Newbie

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    Oh there's no scaryness about moving in. I've been married, he's had a long term relationship.

    Were both introverts, but even handling that much-needed alone time works, because it seems that when we want to be alone, we just want to use the computer, so we can easily be alone, together. We have the micro squabbles because I'm messy, and he doesn't understand that windows can actually be closed when it's cold out, but we get along super well in most area people bicker over, like TV and dishes and cleaning.

    Home as a fluid concept doesn't work when you need a job, lol. And kitties are incompatible with his lease. Also, it's too small for cats.
     
  6. djfly

    djfly Smiter of Spam

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    Well, then perhaps you plan on moving together once his lease is up, that satisfies everything =)
     
  7. Cib3rNaut

    Cib3rNaut Guest

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    Or you could just get a job where he lives and then say you need a place to live, having already taken the initiative.
     
  8. lellojello

    lellojello Newbie

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    well, there is a job, literally around the corner form where he lives.. and across the street from where he works....
     
  9. djfly

    djfly Smiter of Spam

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    Tell me about the kitty (ies)
     
  10. Cib3rNaut

    Cib3rNaut Guest

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    I don't know if I could personally stand having someone living with myself, It ain't my weird habits because I have very few. I just have such a routine down that breaking that cycle would be a terrible experience.
     
  11. djfly

    djfly Smiter of Spam

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    I know the feeling.
    I'm constantly torn between accepting the loneliness of living alone and being forced to tolerate a roommate.