This story begins in a distant land called northern Alberta, about 2hrs north of fort Mac at a camp job for a massive steam injection facility long ago.
I can tell already you are asking yourself " who is Chiz and Pid" ? and to start this off right I want you to think about your work place for a moment. Every construction work environment has a Chiz or a Pid or even both at the same time. . . . . . . .
Explanation of a "Chiz" is a simple idiot, the type of guy that's a scrawny goofy looking 1 toothed no common sense type of guy you meet at you're morning safety meeting and think " I'm avoiding this tool at all costs". Now this nickname is not given out to just anyone. The person you call Chiz has to have already done something beyond simple stupidity. They have to be in the - Just plain not safe to work around category by the time they are called a "Chiz".
Here is the story of Chiz. Now like I said earlier I was working up north. I started this facility build and was one of a handful of people to get the project moving. The first 2 months of the job was laying out piles and shooting in for pile cut offs for the mods to sit on. After this was done I started to get bolt up crews. Since I was a senior guy on site I was lead hand and did most of the on site orientations. Anyone that was new usually tagged along with me to get the hang of bolt up on the mods. The thing about camp jobs is there is a lot of employee turn over. Guys come to camp and start crying cause either wife/gf is stressing the shit out of them cause they are needy or the guy is straight jealous that now that he's stuck in camp she's gona cheat on him. So between that and substance abuse most guys were not lasting more than a 3 week set. Sooooo coming back to my story the 3rd round of newb bold up crews arrived.
For the most part I try to give everyone a chance so I didn't mind taking this goofy looking Chaz guy to swamp my good buddy Ryan doin bolt up while I was running the crane And Ryan was in the rack bolting up the pipe and valves. Basically all this Chaz guy had to was look at the prints to get a number for the missing piece and find it stamped on either the valve or pipe. Then sling the pieces and I would pick it up with the crane and lower it in for Ryan to bolt up. For a guy that was around 40yrs old and said he had been in the oilfield all his life you would think that was simple. WRONG! Typical Chaz was showing his Chizness very early... This guy can't read prints. I can tell cause he stares at them for at least 5 minutes before looking at me in the crane and giving me a dumb look. Ugh... That's fine but I just asked him if he could read prints before I got in the crane and the guy says to me "yes" !!!
So now I gotta get out of the Crane and explain how to read this blue print. It's super easy cause it's like Lego with stamped numbers. Look for empty spot. Look on prints match up numbers Zzzzzzz... after the tutorial I'm like "do you know how to sling pipe level ?" He responds oh yea no problem... Ok then so I roll back over to my crane and settle in. Drop the hook in front of this guy and wait....... And wait...... And Wtf!!!!! Dude what's your issue hook me up. After a good 10 minutes of re adjusting 2 slings a billion times I lift it 2 feet off the ground to see if it lifts level and the damm thing almost falls out of the slings !!!!' ugh...... So I set it down , no jokes it took him 4 tries to even get it close. Ryan was like leave it I will twist it up here, since he's sitting in the rack watching this painful circus show going on below him. So again I'm waiting... Why? Because buddy thinks I can ninja this huge ass pipe into this mod with my magic invisible tag line linked to my open cab window! Put a tag line on man its at your feet !! Ahah. Jeepers.
Sooo during all this the big boss man was watching the show from the dog house. Well as I'm lowering the pipe down to ryan this Chiz guy starting tugging on the rope and spins it 180 with the wrong end going to Ryan. All I can see is Ryan shaking his head and waving his hands. I pop my head out the sun roof of the crane and yell wtf to Ryan. Ryan's likes it the wrong way I dunno what he's doing. So I bark at Chiz, hey turn it around. Anyways dude struggled and I don't even know why. How hard is it to spin the pipe the right way. Anyways I'm frustrated already and get heated in the cab of this machine. Ohh but wait here comes the big boss man. Now picture a 350 pound 6'0 foot pissed off 50 yr old red headed Forman and that this guy. He comes over and helps Chiz with the tag line. I Didnt hear what was said but by lip reading Chiz just smiled and nods.
Hope it gets better . 2nd attempt I drop my hook above the next piece, I can see what piece is needed from my crane but Chiz gets the blue prints and proceeds to waste time trying to show the boss man how he is horribly bad at fake reading prints... So the boss man already notices my hook was above the next piece so he motions for Chiz to slinger up. Well, another very painful sling jon and by the 3rd attempt at leveling the pipe the boss man starts to get visibly angry. Boss man storms over to Chiz and grabs the slings and slings it up! 1st try bang perfect. I laughed to myself. Chiz looked like a cat that just got chased out of the litter box without getting to finish its dump . So now the pipe is slung and what's next? You got it " Chiz it needs a tag line still".... So here I am in this crane watching all this like a tv show, big boss man is stand right beside Chiz . I start to lift the pipe and for some unsolved mystery type reason just as the boss man looks away he swings the pipe full circle and knocks the hard hat off the boss mans head. REALLY!
I'm sitting in this cab thinking this guy is gona get it and bang ! Boss man loses it, like I'm talking cataclysmic Rage.... Big boss man takes 1 step towards his hard hat and then proceeds to stomp it out. Honest this guy flattens out his hard hat in 1 stomp and yells at Chiz pointing to a different bolt up crew " get the f out of my sight , NOW". I was laughing so hard I had to hide behind the steering wheel of the crane. The rest of that morning the boss man swamped us. At lunch I received a new helper. So after Ryan crawled down off the mods and we went for lunch Chiz was officially the new nickname for any idiot we received in the rotation. Best part was all the original guys knew the story so when a new guy came and we would complain about a Chiz on site they would laugh! Watch out for Chiz, or Chiz did it.
So basically that's only the start, we couldn't fire him until the 3 weeks were up so I was stuck dealing with this guy till days off came. Funny part is I had to drive this guy back to central Alberta with Ryan and he knew we hated him. When we left camp I told him the minute he got out of the truck I was leaving him. Dude didn't get out 1 time from fort Mac to Stettler !
So just think do you have a Chiz working with you? Or have you ever dealt with a Chiz? Something to ponder. As for his partner Stew(pid) I will save that story for part 2 of Chiz and pids adventures. Thanks for reading.
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