Look at this rapid game I played as white in an open club tournament (not rated). He's some old man who has never spoken to me except to say "excuse me, get off the stairs" when I went to pick up my pen that I dropped, fooking nooget. He was the shittiest opponent that's ever shat, he's a 1400 player but he plays like a 400. Ke6 is the dumbest move I've ever seen in my life. It's like his mind regressing from dementia was personified in the form of a chess game. It was so beautiful. 1. c4 d5 / hurr? 2. d4 c6 / this being 1 of 2 of his reasonable moves 3. Nc3 dxc4 / 2nd 4. e3 Be6 / inaccuracies by both of us 5. Nf3 Bg4 / 6. Bxc4 Nf6 / durr? 7. Bxf7+ Kxf7 / forced 8. Ne5+ Ke6 / KE6 HURR DURR 9. Qb3+ Kf5 / forced 10. f3 Bh5 / BH5 HURR DURR 11. e4+ Nxe4 / forced, why hasn't he resigned 12. fxe4+ Kf6 / forced, still hasn't resigned 13. 0-0+ Bf3 / forced, confirmed masochist for not resigning. Confirmed that he likes being handcuffed to a bed while a girl whips his ear with her strap-on dildo. 14. Rxf3# / KE6 HURR DURR So, he starts talking to me after the game about how he prefers chess without "opening traps". Motherfucker, what does he meeeean opening traps? This dude played the 13 worst possible moves and he's complaining about opening traps to me. B e fucking 6. Fucking brain dead donkey, how come people like this dude live so long but the batmans of the world die so young?
