I fell asleep eating dinner and this happened

Flip it! Otherwise my legs will be on the stain

 

Are mattresses the same on both sides? I thought most aren’t. Mine is but that’s because it technically a futon

 

Yeah, you should do that periodically anyway.

But, it's dirty from sleeping on with without bed clothes, and you need to clean that thing.

 

Mine's not...I can't flip mine, but I rotate it periodically.

 

You should get an air mattress that way you can just wipe it off you dirty wanker!

 

The mattress was already here when I moved in though, I don't think I'm allowed to replace it

 

Then clean that fetid factory of funk...

 

This situation just keeps going doesn’t it! Should I even ask if you disinfected it before you took over?

 

The previous tenant was a girl, girls are clean

 

Girls aren't cats...they're humans, and humans are one of the dirtiest animals in the jungle.

 

Oh dear lord

 

Thank goodness crisis averted phew close call

 

I don't see the problem! I've been living here for like 6 months now and I haven't got ill except that one time I got the flu and shat myself

 

Recently, I've gotten some eczema symptoms though. Like flaky skin. You think that's related?

 

Your flatmate has been jacking off on you when you sleep...that's just dried semen flaking off...no worries.

 

Flaky skin is going to be the least of your worries

 

Update: Friend tells me I have something orange in my hair. It's the tikka masala sauce. I went to the shower and there was dried sauce on my chest that I didn't notice lol

 

ITT: @mikeconley11 needs a mother to clean up after him but has none

 

Mother? Where do you think I inherited my untidiness from?

True story here, no bullshit. My mum owns a poop chair. Because she's too lazy to go upstairs to the bathroom, so she has a seat that she sits on and there's a bucket underneath the chair. And no points for guessing who got called down to empty her poop chair when it was full.

 

You’re such a good boy to do that for her. She must be so proud.