Jealous/controlling partners

Discussion in 'Relationship Advice' started by Wrecky, May 17, 2018.

  1. Wrecky

    Wrecky Valkyrie

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    Have you ever been with one? Are you currently with one?
    If yes, how's that going/how did that go? If no, is it something you know to avoid in relationships or you've just been lucky so far?
    Discuss :)
     
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  2. Gus

    Gus Veteran

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    I’m the jealous and controlling one.... although I try really hard not to be like that and I’m less & less inclined to be that way the older I get.

    If you asked my lady, she’d probably tell you that I wasn’t jealous or controlling at all, but previous girlfriends would probably tell you a different story. I guess I learned from those previous relationships.
     
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  3. Wrecky

    Wrecky Valkyrie

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    To what extent though? Are they not allowed to have male friends/talk to guys you don't know?
     
  4. Mak1442

    Mak1442 Regular

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    I'm free, she's free. Freedom.
     
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  5. mcpon14

    mcpon14 Bleeds Nexopia

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    In a relationship, I'm usually the one being controlled and bitchified, lol.
     
  6. Squire72

    Squire72 Moberator

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    I’ve had girlfriends who got mad at me for not being a jealous person, whatever, if they want to be controlled they can find one of those guys
     
  7. WorkBoot

    WorkBoot Member

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    I was married to a control freak and master manipulator. Didn't realize it at the time, but after I left. WOW did I ever realize how stupid and trusting I was. No way I'd ever fall for that again. I've always been on the lookout for the warning signs ever since.
     
  8. DateRape

    DateRape Regular

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    Wooo man, I dated a guy who was the ultimate Gaslighter, it got to one point where I started to believe him. I stopped working for a year and was afraid of going outside unless it was night. He of course used me unable to work to hurt me and control me. I finally stopped caring/listening to him because what he was saying started to sounds more and more ridiculous by the day. ( He's high functioning alcoholic. ) He would reach a level of drunk where he would get frustrated or disoriented or both ? He would take it out on me. He realized his words no longer effected me and it got physical. After I moved out he had roommates and after awhile he eventually would do the exact same thing to them. Nutzo.
     
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  9. Gus

    Gus Veteran

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    I’d just get all jealous and moody when they were around certain people and they’d decide on their own to distance themselves from the people who triggered me. I suppose you could have called me a manipulative asshole back then, but then again I was young and immature during those relationships. I didn’t know what I was doing.

    I dated a few girls who did the same shit to me as well. It’s funny how people create drama out of thin air. Now I’m drama free (for the most part).
     
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  10. AngryMallSanta

    AngryMallSanta Member

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    Yes.
    No.
    In the past ive had gfs that seemed like they were cool and laid back all around and then when things got serious some super jealous shit would pop up. Really creepy. My last ex was ridiculously bad. Getting jealous about brewery reps at work shed never met and didnt know anything about. Which pissed me off to no end bc the biggest flipout she had was about the least attractive brewery rep i had and also the hardest working one. Bag of dixxx
     
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  11. mcpon14

    mcpon14 Bleeds Nexopia

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    I once had this online chat buddy that wanted to be exclusive, meaning that I couldn't have any other chat buddy but her and that I couldn't chat with anybody besides her, lol. I said okay but continued to chat with people on that site and she somehow knew about those and the specific details, too. How did she know such precise information, lol? When she found out, she cussed me out and stopped talking to me, altogether, lol. I'm still really sad over that because I lost a very good online chat partner. :cry::cry:
     
  12. AngryMallSanta

    AngryMallSanta Member

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    Yes we're all very sure that happened.
     
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  13. Mistoffelees

    Mistoffelees Regular

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    Oh my! The horror stories I could tell. Remember, I'm old, I've been through a lot!

    Okay, to answer the question. Yes. I am a survivor of narcissistic abuse. It was one of those relationships where nothing I did or said was right. If I said the sky was blue, I would be called a stupid bitch, too lazy to look up at the sky and see that it was really purple. I made the example up, but the premise is the same. Here's a couple of real examples: One day I was actually complimented on my long fingernails, told how nice they looked. A week later, I decided to cut them and was told that it was about time because they made me look like a whore. Another time I was in her car as a passenger. I moved an air vent to point upward so the air didn't blow in my face. I was yelled at, told to "Put it back right now!" Before I could, she reached over and slapped at all of the vents, closing them and asking, "There are you happy now, bitch?"

    So, yes, I've been there, done that. I didn't cope well with it. After 4 1/2 months of living together, I got the hell out of there, moved well out of town, and never looked back. Like I've said, I am now happily single and will follow my gut instinct from now on.
     
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  14. Wrecky

    Wrecky Valkyrie

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  15. Mistoffelees

    Mistoffelees Regular

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    Extremely. I filled an entire journal (over 400 pages) with everything that happened in those 4 1/2 months because my fear was that something would happen to me and I wanted them to know who did it.
     
  16. mcpon14

    mcpon14 Bleeds Nexopia

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    In decades past, women were treated so badly when we look at it through modern eyes. For example, Fritz Haber was such a terrible husband to his wife that his treatment of her drove her to commit suicide, yet he was still a Nobel Prize winner and a celebrated figure in Germany, at the time, as the father of their chemical weapons industry.
     
  17. izbestbro

    izbestbro Veteran

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    The girl I lost it to was a cheater and controller.
    I very quickly learned from that and have not been controlled since.
    If they're strong willed it ends in break up, if not they give in and realize I won't be controlled.
     
  18. Squire72

    Squire72 Moberator

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    It’s a good trap to avoid.

    I’ve come to the conclusion that people who try to change who you are a huge waste of time, and if you try to stop that behaviour, you’re trying to change them as well. Change has to come from within, because you want it - a good relationship is complimentary, you’re there because you like the person, and they’re there because they like you as you are.

    If that’s not true, then there’s no point in letting it go on
     
  19. Mistoffelees

    Mistoffelees Regular

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    Even that example still happens just on a smaller scale. Look at it like this: You are verbally abused at home - told what a horrible person you are, yelled at, called lazy, called horrible names, degraded you in every way possible, etc. Your partner seems to be angry and disgusted with you every moment you are together. THEN the two of you leave the house and go to visit friends or family. Your partner is fun, funny, attentive, loving, flattering you - telling the friend that you are the best person in the world, wonderful housekeeper, excellent cook, attractive, and intelligent. The friends and family are lead to believe that what they see is also what happens at home. In reality, they have been gaslighted. You partner appears in public to be honorable, loving, kind, and sweet. They are celebrated by friends and family as being a prize-winning partner. Behind closed doors is where the monster resides. Happens - all too frequently.

    I'm on a group of both men and women from all walks of life (psychologists, doctors, lawyers, educators, factory workers, waiters, business owners, actors, housewives, students, mechanics, cashiers, etc), over 5000, who are survivors of narcissistic abuse. Their partners or former partners are considered gods while they are thought to be the scum of the Earth.
     
  20. TabulaRasa

    TabulaRasa Member

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    Yeah. One of my exes was literally insane. He will still randomly message old mutual friends of ours (who I don't even really know anymore) and ask them about my partners and sex life. He didn't believe men and women could be friends and tried to break up my friendships with my best guy friends. He hacked my FB and deleted any men off my list... etc. Just crazy shit. I haven't dated anyone who was jealous since and I would not again.

    I'm definitely a little jealous sometimes. I try not to let it get to my head, it more or less stems from my own insecurities.
     

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