Relationship Woes

Discussion in 'Relationship Advice' started by mikeconley11, Dec 7, 2017.

  1. mikeconley11

    mikeconley11 Guest

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    Here's my first relationship story (sorry, kind of long):

    So I meet her in the local park feeding bread to some ducks wearing a horse shirt. I figure she's an animal lover and tell her that my dad owns a farm. We end up going to my dad's farm every day after school and we would hang around the horses. We named the horses, with our favourite being Jeffrey. One day, I come into the farm and discover my girlfriend in a cowgirl position over Jeffrey. She was using me to have sex with my horses. So obviously I can't let this slide and I go over to Jeffrey and punch him in the face for stealing my girl.

    Things get rough and I have to resort to stabbing Jeffrey in the throat. So he collapses, then calls out to my girlfriend. He was all like "Cassandrah" cough cough, "I love you Cassa...." then he dies. So I start kicking Jeffrey and just start beating and beating that dead horse. I turn to Cassandrah and start screaming at her. I say "Cassandrah, you're so emotionally unstable" and then me, Cassandrah and Jeffrey burst out laughing and we had a threesome. But then she fell hoarse and died a week later.

    Then my second relationship was with a girl named Lassandrah. I thought me and Lassandrah had something special, she seemed like she really cared about animals since she was vegan so I knew for sure she wasn't into bestiality like Cassandrah was. But then she undressed for the first time and I realised she was actually Jeffrey and he was being a catfish. So I was like, "damn it Jeffrey, you got to stop playing with people's emotions like that" but I forgave him and we were in a committed relationship for some time before I was arrested on suspicion of animal cruelty.

    So I go to prison and guess who I'm sharing a jail cell with? This hot girl named Passandrah, we're actually still together and I think she's the one.

    What are some of your relationship woes?
     
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  2. sharkbait.

    sharkbait. Guest

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  3. mikeconley11

    mikeconley11 Guest

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  4. .:Batman:.

    .:Batman:. Guest

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    How did Jeffery survive the throat stabbing?
     
  5. mikeconley11

    mikeconley11 Guest

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    He was revived by the cheesy joke, gosh pay attention
     
  6. .:Batman:.

    .:Batman:. Guest

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    And her name was Cassandrah (Wayne Campbell voice)
     
  7. mikeconley11

    mikeconley11 Guest

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    I don't get it
     
  8. Gus

    Gus Veteran

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    What a lame story, not very creative or funny, but thanks for making an effort.
     
  9. mcpon14

    mcpon14 Bleeds Nexopia

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    He's revealing to us the much-sought-after name of the founder of the Campbell soup franchise.
     

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