so confused, I know what to do but I don't know how

Discussion in 'Relationship Advice' started by SocratesTier, Feb 19, 2018.

  1. SocratesTier

    SocratesTier Newbie

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    so its been year that my husband has been off and on unfaithful and super moody and just hard to deal with, and on friday he told me he doesn't want to be married and doesn't want to be a parent(too late for both). He then asked me what to do cause his life isn't the way he pictured it. I told him to get counseling and he scoffed at that idea so fast, doesn't want help. So I asked him not to come home for the time being so he can think about what he wants, he has since then told me he still loves me and what not)problem being I am just so tired of this and want out, I jsut don't know how to tell him or what to do after, he is the bread winner of our family. I just do not want to do this any more...
     
  2. Squire72

    Squire72 Moberator

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    Ouch. That’s a whole lot more than one person should have to deal with. First thought is kick him to the curb, but kids make that a lot more complicated.

    I wish I had some real advice for you, but all I can really do it hope it turns around for you, nobody deserves what you’re going through :(
     
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  3. handbanane

    handbanane Guest

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    That really sucks. I have a hard time feeling sympathy for him in this situation after he made the choice to do both of those things. I agree with Squire that you do need to get out. If this is something he's not willing to work on and you don't want to be there then no good can come from it. Definitely go after him for child support, do what you can to increase your income, seek help from family if that's an option.. but do get out of there. Beyond that I'm not really sure as I've never been in that situation but I say just do what's best for you and your kid(s).
     
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  4. SocratesTier

    SocratesTier Newbie

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    My biggest problem is I don't know how to tell him :(
     
  5. handbanane

    handbanane Guest

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    Straight up is best. Don't drag it out. Any break up I've experienced where it was prolonged or drawn out was 10x worse.
     
  6. .diandra.

    .diandra. Guest

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    He's the breadwinner? Doesn't want to be a father or married?
    Great. Lawyer up. Make sure you get him to pay alimony AND child support. I have no time for cheaters. I am so sorry you're going through this. You can leave and still file for divorce. Are you Canadian? You need to be legally separated for a year before you can file, however you can probably get support in the interim.

    I think what is important isyour kid. Your kid needs stability and it will be hard and confusing but you can provide that AWAY from a man who is careless. If he doesn't want to be there, don't force him. Your kid will feel it and up being more heart.

    Honestly reddit relationship forum is probably better advice than you will ever get here.

    I'm so sorry you're experiencing this please let us know what you need.
     
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  7. Squire72

    Squire72 Moberator

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    Definitely important to get away from someone who’s abusing as quickly as possible, even if it hasn’t happened yet, someone like that will eventually abuse the kids as well and drag them into the cycle of abuse :(
     
  8. PurePanic

    PurePanic Member

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    I think that if you stop, empty your head from all the emotions, and calmly think about it.. you already know the answer. Be strong and don’t let emotions sway your decision.
     
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  9. d0nut

    d0nut Member

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    The advice from my psychiatrist when I was ending a long term relationship was to do it in a public, yes somewhat private, place. Somewhere like the park at noon, where you can sit and talk without anyone going crazy with emotion (because there are people around). That way it’s easier to get everything you need to say out.
     
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  10. Squire72

    Squire72 Moberator

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    Good advice, especially when dealing with someone who tends to be abusive. They don’t usually want anyone else to see that side of them, and if they lose it and start throwing punches it’s much more likely someone will come to your rescue and you have witnesses to the behaviour.
     
  11. d0nut

    d0nut Member

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    Yep. The girl I was dating at the time was very emotionally manipulative and abusive, so doing it in the park worked out perfectly. After that I started doing it that way with every girl, and it always goes so much better than doing it at home.
     
  12. imakehersay

    imakehersay Member

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    It all depends on whether you said 'til death do us part' or not. If you didn't, then do whatever you can to leave. If you did, then do whatever you can to stay.
     
  13. Squire72

    Squire72 Moberator

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    Nah, abuse broke the contract already, nobody has any obligation to stay with an abuser
     
  14. imakehersay

    imakehersay Member

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    Isn't the point that only death can break it?
     
  15. Squire72

    Squire72 Moberator

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    In the Classic sense, back when women were considered property.

    Times change, and while some people need to take commitment more seriously, someone without respect for the law and human rights deserves no respect or commitment.
     
  16. Woofer

    Woofer soul jer

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    try googling or read on wikihow
     
  17. imakehersay

    imakehersay Member

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    I thought that the vows that Christians make to each other are mediated by God, so appealing to some ideology like human rights or the law to break them wouldn't make any sense, since they are indifferent to these things anyways. But, I guess if she is not Christian, then she could easily break her vows to preserve her own life, liberty and happiness lol.
     
  18. Squire72

    Squire72 Moberator

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    The rules were created by the church, not scripture, and they’re not immutable. Catholics are pretty inform on the issue, but most sects permit divorce for a legitimate reason.

    Considering the rules were created when women were considered slaves, they need a little work
     
  19. imakehersay

    imakehersay Member

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    In the book of Genesis God curses Woman to be Adam's wife and produce children, this is described as a curse for the Original Sin. I was thinking of the vow more in this sense. I don't think a Woman can appeal to her life or happiness to escape this bondage, God says, "and thy desire shall be to thy husband and he shall rule over thee". Churches and other communities of sheep can try to justify the breaking of this curse, but only at the price of misunderstanding the essence of Woman.

    I think the more interesting feminist movements understand that the goal is not to salvage 'the Woman' from some kind of oppressive relation, but to find a way out of inhabiting 'Woman' as a subjective position in the first place. After all, the destiny of being a Woman is only to be the symptom of a Man, Eve is just the name of Adam's lack.
     

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