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So I'm becoming very confused about what I'm doing wrong here

Discussion in 'Relationship Advice' started by handbanane, Feb 8, 2018.

  1. handbanane

    handbanane Moderator

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    I had a seemingly very good date tonight where I met up with a girl off an online dating site for coffee. We hit it off really well both online and in person. The conversation came easily, there was no awkward silence, we had lots of laughs, and she was showing signs that she had taken at least some kind of interest in me. It seemed like all had gone well and I was certain I was going to get a second date but shortly after I get the always dreaded text saying that she just didn't feel chemistry or a strong enough attraction to want to date me.

    As an isolated thing, this wouldn't bother me at all. I would just chalk it up to experience and move on to the next. This has become a trend though that's happened over and over again for years with no signs of changing regardless of what type of girl I go for, what we do, or what we talk about, etc. I've gone ahead and asked several of them when I had the opportunity in some of these situations what it was that put them off or what I did wrong so that I could learn from it in the future. The answer I always get is that although they'd like to help me, they can't come up with anything. They say that I did nothing wrong, usually that they enjoyed spending time with me, but can't pinpoint anything specific that they didn't like about me.. just that they didn't feel a "spark" or "attraction" or something along those lines. It doesn't make sense to me but if that's the only answer they can give then that's the answer I kind of just have to accept.

    I'm just wondering what your opinions are of a situation like this and why a thing like that would happen so consistently over such a long period of time. I'm not terrible looking irl, I'm young, educated, have a reliable full time job, I drive, I have my own place, I'm a pretty decent conversationalist once I get going, I put effort into my appearance for a date, I can usually make people laugh, and I'm genuine with the people I meet.

    Sorry for the tl;dr post but uhh.. where do I even go from here?
     
  2. SAKARINBO

    SAKARINBO Veteran

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    Many things could be the issue. What was the most recent girl like?
     
  3. Wrecky

    Wrecky Valkyrie Staff Member

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    Sorry HB :( It might not be anything about your looks, personality or even your smell. I think you look good and you're quite a nice guy but if I'm being totally honest you've made me :err: on occasion.. but I can't put my finger on why :confused:
    Maybe you should stop going out with randoms and get set up with a friend of a friend so they can sing your praises :)
     
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  4. handbanane

    handbanane Moderator

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    Reasonably attractive, bit of a nerdy look, conservative type, super family oriented, very well educated, still lives at home but only because her dad told her to so she could save up to buy a place, likes to be busy all the time and plays like 4 different sports, comes across as sweet and soft spoken.. maybe just a bit shy

    Is this helpful/enough?
     
  5. ace_of_spades

    ace_of_spades Regular

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    Sorry HB dating is though. Maybe it's the vibe you give off in general.
     
  6. mcpon14

    mcpon14 Junkie

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    You could go for broke and tell her that you like girls vomiting on you. :) Maybe that cause sparks to fly in head and she will fall madly in love with you.
     
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  7. SAKARINBO

    SAKARINBO Veteran

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    Yeah, just trying to get a feel for whether or not you were paying attention to her on your date. Huge turn off if someone doesn’t let you talk.
    How do you hold your fork?
     
  8. handbanane

    handbanane Moderator

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    LOL that's probably the worst thing you could've said because now I'm wondering what would make you feel that way and you don't know any better than the girls I try to go out with.

    Tbh I don't like online dating and would rather not do it if I had other options. I feel that I'd be more excited if something developed in a more "organic" way that felt natural rather than writing about myself in a little box and hoping to attract a woman over the internet. I'd be ecstatic if someone would set me up (also just because they'd know who might be compatible with me) but that doesn't seem to be an option. I've asked a few people I know (and even my sister lol) if there's anyone they could set me up with and they always decline. It's usually just because they don't know anyone my age who's single and looking. The people I hang out with tend to be slightly older than I am and already married with families or at least in long term relationships.
     
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  9. handbanane

    handbanane Moderator

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    She did probably 60-70% of the talking.. definitely a little more than I did.

    Lmao random. But uhh, just the normal way? I hold it in my left hand about midway down in just like a normal position I guess. There were no forks involved on this date.
     
  10. SAKARINBO

    SAKARINBO Veteran

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    I ask because my brother in law recently broke up with his girlfriend partially because of how she held her fork like a shovel.
    Maybe the way your profile looks is attracting the wrong type of girl for you?
     
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  11. handbanane

    handbanane Moderator

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    What in the actual fuck? How is that even a thing? I can't even.

    I'm not too sure. The way I wrote it this time actually had some girls messaging me first this time around which wasn't happening before so I thought it must've been an improvement. I mean, you can always see it if you want. You seem trustworthy enough.
     
  12. handbanane

    handbanane Moderator

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    I'm also thinking maybe if I got contacts and lost the glasses, kept my hair shorter so it doesn't have any curliness to it, and maybe made a couple wardrobe updates I could shed the nerdy look.
     
  13. ace_of_spades

    ace_of_spades Regular

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    Well nerds are hot if you can rock it. But looking slobby is not. Haircut and shave +1
     
  14. handbanane

    handbanane Moderator

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    Off topic but the scammers trying to recruit people to their hookup websites also piss me off on there. They'll use pics of some hot girl and send you stupid messages that just say shit like "I'm horny". I've taken to just responding with things like "Hi horny, I'm dad."
     
  15. SAKARINBO

    SAKARINBO Veteran

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    Ok show me?
    Would you not post a screen shot in here? Maybe it could be helpful. I obviously don’t know you well at all so it would be hard for me to judge if the profile matches who you actually are.
     
  16. handbanane

    handbanane Moderator

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    The last time I did something like that mac*james made a fake version of my profile and started messaging obscene shit to random girls while pretending to be me. But maybe people on here are just a *bit* more mature..

    I think it does but the only people who know me irl and could tell you are some of the ones who came here from the place which must not be named.
     
  17. The Punjabi Playboy

    The Punjabi Playboy The Heel

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    Probably because of your ego
     
  18. SAKARINBO

    SAKARINBO Veteran

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    Ah ok.
    My best advice would be make sure your profile is an accurate representation of your best self. Don’t think “will girls like this” think specifically about the type of girl you want to message you. You mentioned you changed the profile a bit and got more response, more doesn’t equal better. Also nerdy is not bad, neither is long hair as long as it’s groomed and your shirt is (or appears) pressed.
     
  19. handbanane

    handbanane Moderator

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    True. More messages means nothing if they lead nowhere. If anything, that's just more wasted time.

    I know but I feel like I've always been seen as that nerdy or geeky dude most of my life. I'm just going to PM you the link.
     
  20. Wrecky

    Wrecky Valkyrie Staff Member

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    I still like you though! :bdate: Next time I see a post that makes my eye twitch I'll post :err: :err: :err: so you know :)
     
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