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So I'm becoming very confused about what I'm doing wrong here

Discussion in 'Relationship Advice' started by handbanane, Feb 8, 2018.

  1. handbanane

    handbanane Moderator

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    Thanks for your support. :cheers:
     
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  2. Wrecky

    Wrecky Valkyrie Staff Member

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    I'm always happy to help :cool:
     
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  3. skrinkle

    skrinkle Cat Mom Staff Member

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    If it were me on the date with you I think I would be scared off by things like pulling out the chair, opening doors, ordering for me etc. but idk if I'm the majority or the minority on those things. I have a feeling though that most people who use dating sites/apps are used to a more casual approach for first dates.
     
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  4. .diandra.

    .diandra. Moderator

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    Send me the link to your dating profile also. I am not going to be a weirdo, just curious. I know you better than most people itf and can try and improve it.

    Also I agree, too much chivalry on a first date is a huge turn off for me. Makes me wonder how you define gender roles in relationships.
     
  5. handbanane

    handbanane Moderator

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    I don't do any over the top chivalry. I mean I'm relatively polite, I'll hold a door for her if it makes sense and like.. the basic stuff but I'm not standing there pulling her chair out or ordering for her like she's a child or something lol.

    In terms of gender roles, I'm not a traditional kind of guy (despite what I want for an outcome to a relationship). At the very least I want everything to be 50-50 without the typical expectation of the guy to lead everything and initiate/plan everything. Ideally, I'd be happiest in a relationship where the woman plays the stronger role and it's kind of the reverse of what you'd typically expect but idk how how realistic that one is.

    And yeah I can PM.
     
  6. Squire72

    Squire72 Addict Plus Member

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    Hang in there

    I have horrible luck with women, and I’m not sure if it’s because I’m just too nice?

    10/10 dates have resulted in some sort of sexual thing initiated by her, but also 10/10 result in ghosting. I don’t know whether they just think I’m too uggo, too nice or whatever, all I know is everything looks promising and then they vanish.

    Maybe they think the nice is fake and I’m looking for one night and just pretending? Fuck. I wouldn’t let anything sexual happen if I didn’t want it to go further. Jerks.
     
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  7. handbanane

    handbanane Moderator

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    That's the part I don't get. I've managed to get laid by more different girls than the average guy but yet a relationship continues to be a problem. I've had girlfriends before but more often than not those were times where in a moment of weakness I hardcore settled for someone I wasn't even really into and then the relationship quickly got ruined because I could only convince myself I could have feelings for them for so long. I haven't had an attractive girlfriend in about 7 years and if I'm being 100% honest, that's one of the most upsetting things about this to me. It bothers me because it makes me worry it'll never happen again, let alone go the distance.

    But I'm absolutely done with settling now. I've finally reached a point where I'd rather suffer alone than date another girl I'm not truly attracted to.
     
  8. SAKARINBO

    SAKARINBO Veteran

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    Oh yeah those things are a turn off and can also be a red flag.

    @hamdbanane do you ever sit with your fingers like this? I read in cosmo once that if a guy holds his hand like thin on your date he is plotting date rape or something. Girls trust cosmo so you know.
    [​IMG]
     
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  9. handbanane

    handbanane Moderator

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    Cosmo is literally the worst for misinformation and just pulling stuff out of their asses. How do people look at the cover stories and think "yeah that's something that's totally worth buying"?

    Naw I sit pretty relaxed. I don't think I ever do that.
     
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  10. twatgangsta

    twatgangsta Member

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    maybe you need to involve more forks on your dates
     
  11. handbanane

    handbanane Moderator

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    I don't usually advance past spoons on a first date
     
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  12. skrinkle

    skrinkle Cat Mom Staff Member

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    Where do you take a girl on the first date?
     
  13. handbanane

    handbanane Moderator

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    It varies but if it's someone off the internet that I've never met before I almost always start with a simple coffee date or going for a drink because those are easily escapable situations if she's either totally batshit or looks absolutely nothing like her pictures and I decide to get out of there. I've also done dinner dates, movie dates, arcade a couple of times (rec room or one time beercade), board game cafe, events around the city like the ice castles/ice on whyte/whatever is going on at that time of year.. there's been lots.
     
  14. 867k

    867k Member

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    As a former bar tender, the guys who reek of desperation never do well.
    Confident, but not cocky.
     
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  15. handbanane

    handbanane Moderator

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    How does one stop reeking of desperation and stop feeling desperate in general when they've been trying and failing at the same goal that's important to them for the last 8 years?
     
  16. Slimeball

    Slimeball Addict Pic Mod

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    Get a new hairstyle and contacts.
     
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  17. mcpon14

    mcpon14 Junkie

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    Learn some magic tricks.
     
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  18. handbanane

    handbanane Moderator

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    I'm thinking of changing my look, yeah. I want to lose the glasses, keep my hair shorter (maybe even go for the buzzed on the sides look), keep clean shaven all the time (my facial hair looks stupid when it starts to grow in), and maybe a few wardrobe updates. The clothes are the one I'm most I'm sure of though. I don't know what clothing choices would look best and most attractive on me.
     
  19. handbanane

    handbanane Moderator

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    I'm trying to look *less* autistic here.
     
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  20. skrinkle

    skrinkle Cat Mom Staff Member

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    What makes you nervous or lack confidence on dates? Maybe you should practice being confident on some random tinder dates and see what happens?
     

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