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So I'm becoming very confused about what I'm doing wrong here

Discussion in 'Relationship Advice' started by handbanane, Feb 8, 2018.

  1. Wrecky

    Wrecky Valkyrie Staff Member

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    @handbanane Do you have swagger? If you don't you might need to get some :)
     
  2. handbanane

    handbanane Moderator

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    My confidence level on dates ranges anywhere from "I got this in the bag" to "I feel like I'm shitting myself with anxiety" depending on how attracted to the girl I am and how much interest she's showing. The hotter the girl and the more unsure I am of whether it's mutual, the more anxious I get and the more it starts to undermine my confidence that this person will want to date me.
     
  3. handbanane

    handbanane Moderator

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    No. They kick me to the curb cause I don't look like Mick Jagger
     
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  4. Wrecky

    Wrecky Valkyrie Staff Member

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    That's probably the problem right there, you should try to look more like Mick Jagger :)
     
  5. Slimeball

    Slimeball Addict Pic Mod

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    No you did do that at remedy lol
     
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  6. Slimeball

    Slimeball Addict Pic Mod

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    You need them moves like Jagger too
     
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  7. handbanane

    handbanane Moderator

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    And get crunk with everybody
     
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  8. handbanane

    handbanane Moderator

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    No date rape tho.

    But I seriously don't remember ever doing that hand gesture ever.
     
  9. Slimeball

    Slimeball Addict Pic Mod

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    I don't remember half the hand genstures I do either. I don't think you meant to. Just happens sometimes. I know I've made that hand gensture without noticing it
     
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  10. imakehersay

    imakehersay Member

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    Maybe it is because the "spark" has nothing to do w/ what you are or have, it can't be calculated in advance. You have to accept that you might never get a spark before you die.
     
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  11. handbanane

    handbanane Moderator

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    Well that's an awful thought.
     
  12. Mr.Lame

    Mr.Lame Veteran Pic Mod

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    just ask her for a spoon, if she nods to the idea then you're golden if not, she's not the one for you.
     
  13. *Loves-Death.

    *Loves-Death. Guest

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    hmmmmm maybe huff some glue first
    when i get worryed about how people think i avoid stuff like caffeine i find it better to be tired and careless
    arnt women always super picky anyways on thoes onlines meetup sights... i swear they shift on over to the next when i just talk for a few days and dont ask to come smash windows with me...
     
  14. handbanane

    handbanane Moderator

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    It varies. The thing with those sites lately is that everyone uses them now.. both the best and worst types of women. The problem is that behind a computer screen the worst ones still know how to make themselves sound good. People are so flaky, picky, and unpredictable on those things.
     
  15. misshaileystarr

    misshaileystarr Newbie

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    Just be yourself. That sounds so dumb and cliche but seriously I dated this guy after my long term relationship and EVERYTHING I did was about “will he like this? Will this offend him? Will he like what I wear?” I’m SUPER geeky and he made it almost a competition that he’s the geekier person. And he ALWAYS talked about other girls and I tried to be like them. It was such a mess and I was never comfortable. After five months I broke it off and guess what, randomly, being my geeky, obnoxious, unfiltered self, I met someone just as quirky and obnoxious as me and man I am going to marry him. Don’t worry about the dates that don’t go great. Don’t hold back. Just do you and I promise the right person will come along.
     
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  16. handbanane

    handbanane Moderator

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    Thanks for the pep talk lol. I've definitely been thinking it may be time to give actively a searching a rest and just hope that if I do my own thing and stay true to myself, I'll find the right person by chance like so many others do.

    I guess I just get discouraged sometimes and feel like I have to do something to be better or I have to try and emulate guys who are more successful at this because being myself hasn't gotten me what I really want after 27 years in this world.
     
  17. Wrecky

    Wrecky Valkyrie Staff Member

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    @handbanane how did you meet all your ex girlfriends? I feel like you got a raw deal, most people have had several at least semi successful relationships by 27 and almost everyone I know has had at least one epic love. :(
     
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  18. handbanane

    handbanane Moderator

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    I think a raw deal is putting it lightly. I have yet to have a really good relationship. They've all been either very short or with very toxic people and I still haven't had the chance to date someone I'm truly attracted to. Every girl I've dated except for one I met online. Even the one I didn't meet through any sort of online dating still technically started online. When I was 16 and had never had a real gf before, one of my friends decided to set me up with her best friend. She introduced us irl pretty soon after mentioning it but she told the girl about me beforehand and we chatted in PMs on Nexopia before meeting. That was the only one that more or less started irl but it didn't exactly turn out to be a great one either. I've asked girls out in person too here and there but I've never had one say yes. If it wasn't for the internet I might still be a dateless/kissless virgin to be perfectly honest with you (thanks Nexopia and POF).

    I'm getting completed exhausted with this though. Like you said, I'm 27 and have never had a successful relationship or "epic love" before and it really kills me because that's something that's central to a lot of my life goals and things that would make me really happy and satisfied with life. I'm not trying to be a downer here but it's starting to get to the point where I feel like I might just break down and give up soon.
     
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  19. Wrecky

    Wrecky Valkyrie Staff Member

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    @handbanane I totally get it :( Don't give up, it's my new mission in life to find you an amazing partner, or, well help you to find one for yourself.
    Have you ever had a crush on someone (IRL) and they had a crush back, or you've just been interested in people who for whatever reason don't feel the same way?
    I think mutual crushes are the best way to begin relationships, I'm lucky I guess, because that's how most of mine started.. I honestly don't think you're going to have much luck online and think you need to start meeting people IRL organically, through friends, family, social stuff.. and just see what happens.
     
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  20. handbanane

    handbanane Moderator

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    I appreciate that. Other people have tried with little to no success but we'll see.

    The problem (and I'm just going to be real blunt with this) is that the only kinds of girls who seem willing to go for me are very overweight women who I have absolutely no attraction to. The last girl I dated was one of these people and I made the mistake of ignoring that lack of physical attraction in the hopes that other things would take over. It doesn't work. It's not the most important thing but it has to be there. On the other end of things, the girls I would be interested in and have an attraction to are the ones who aren't willing to go out with me. It's never a mutual thing. It always feels like one party or the other is settling.

    As far as I know, there's noone that has a crush on me at all but I'm still not going to settle like before. I can't do it again.. I just end up miserable and it's just as bad as being alone. I need someone I feel truly attracted to or it won't work. I'm sick of the online thing and have no desire to do it again. My main problem is lack of real life opportunities to socialize and meet women organically so that the dating thing happens in a natural and unforced way. A couple people are already giving me some suggestions to work with there to try and fix that problem but more are always welcome.
     
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