Things you don't want to hear in your wedding night

I learnt this from your mother

 

Why is your sister so much better at this?

 

"where is the coke"

 

You were fantastic *but your face gives away the truth* .

 

I forgot to tell you I have 300,000 dollars in student loans.

 

By the way, when we go visit your parents, we need to take a detour. I’m not allowed to be within 100 yards of any school.

 

I'm actually your biological dad.

 

So the real reason we waiting so long to consummate is because I have a micro penis.