Conley Storytime: I went to cook dinner, wanted mince and pasta because that's the easiest to cook. I try opening the bolognese jar, but it won't budge. I spend about 10 whole minutes trying to open it, until my hands hurt and I decide to eat later. So, fast forward a few hours and my French housemate with the big ass wants to cook with me (by with me, I mean she cooks while I stare at her ass). She also cooked mince and pasta. I was so stupid, I didn't think it through because obviously she would want to use the bolognese sauce for it too. She goes to open the jar but can't open it. She asks me to open the jar. I'm a prideful guy, I don't want her thinking I'm weak and I realise that I need to come up with an excuse fast. She hands over the jar and I "accidentally" drop it with the intention of it smashing on the ground. But the fucking jar lands on my foot and softens the impact. Now I'm really screwed, I can't do that again or she'll get suspicious. So, I pretend like it really hurt my foot and I'm injured. I take the jar with me and go back to my room, telling her to just continue cooking and I'll be fine. When I get to my room, I frantically try to open the jar with everything I've got. But it won't fucking open. She knocks on my door, I'm really panicking now. I'm going to be exposed. I take off my jeans and put the jar in between my thighs for extra grip while I try yanking it off with my hands. The jar (made of glass) breaks open on my legs and my leg is bleeding and covered with bolognese sauce. I clean myself and tell her that it was cracked when I dropped it on my foot, that when I put it on the table it fell apart. Masculinity protected.